I used to feel like a jar of rocks, precariously perched on the side of some jagged cliff, and that life was throwing stones into me relentlessly. I used to wonder how I’d keep from falling over the edge into oblivion, and how I’d hold all the rocks. I used to wonder if people could see right through me, into the mess that was so good at hiding.
In 2007, the Lord spoke loudly and clearly to me, instructing me to embark on a Commitment Fast. For all of February and March I did not add one new thing to my calendar–not coffee with a friend or even a hair appointment. I sat on my hands, literally sometimes.
During that time, I realized I was involved in over 25 outside-the-home commitments, in most of which I held leadership positions. Some I’d forgotten about, some were only quarterly, and some were nearly all-consuming. The fact was, I was outwardly an exceptional person, revered by many as energetic, enthusiastic, caring, hospitable, and more. But inwardly I was a wreck, wondering who I’d forgotten to care for, which meetings I might have missed, and “shush”ing my kids and husband to listen to competing voices from everywhere else.
I’ll tell you more in my next installment. First, if you identify with this and are perched on the edge, wondering if one more rock will just cast you over the edge, make your own list of commitments. Write down absolutely everything you’ve volunteered to do, no matter how infrequent or insignificant it seems. Then take your list to the Lord. Ask Him to begin preparing your heart–He wants to set you aright.