How NOT to Pack for Vacation

1. Send children away to boarding school for packing day. Consider leaving them there. If boarding school not feasible, shove them into bedroom-until you hear one boy say to another, “Take a picture of my rear!”

2. Send girls to their bedroom to play. Extract one plastic hanger from two year old’s mouth. Explain why you can’t kiss the inside of her cheek to make it better.

3. Schedule oh-so-important blog posts on the laptop. Shut laptop and continue packing.

4. Figure out what’s going on when it gets quiet. Clean up toothpaste. And cheerios. And un-known brown crumbs on kitchen floor.

5. Give children chores. Clean up after them after they’ve completed their chores.

6. Listen to children singing messages onto answering machine while they’re supposedly in their bedrooms playing quietly. Recognize TobyMac’s “Shake it, don’t break it. Took your mama 9 months to make it.”

7. Log back in to laptop and check weather. Close laptop so you’re not tempted to blog.

8. Clean whole house. It’s so nice to return to clean sheets and toilets.

9. Forget cleaning house–it’s better used as a deterrent for would-be criminals.

10. Wonder what “sumpin” on two year old’s hands is. Send her in to wash hands. Clean up 1/2 gallons of water bathroom floor. Consider bathroom cleaned.

11. Spray fruit flies with counter cleaner. Check science text book to see how much they’ll procreate while you’re gone. Give exterminator key to your house.

12. Open laptop yet again to google directions to vacation house, even though this is your sixth summer at the same house.

13. Plan to throttle husband when he comes upstairs–you know he can hear what’s going on and that he’s only pretending to work in order to stay out of the chaos.

14. Agree with Bill Cosby, parents simply want QUIET. Especially when single-handedly packing for vacation.

15. Open laptop final time to record this day’s antics. Decide to take it with you so you don’t miss blogging any fun moments.

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5 responses to “How NOT to Pack for Vacation

  1. This sounds like my house most days *without* the need to pack for vacation. The desire for quiet is great most days. Unfortunately, the chocolate cake for breakfast doesn’t give that result (though I love Cosby’s routing on it.)

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Funny….I also think it sounds like most of my days…..but to do all this while packing and thinking of the ‘work’ vacation is to us Moms, you’ll need to start planning for a day away to rest after you return! Phew…I’ve always thought vacation is more work than rest…..but the kids having fun is the main thing 😉

    And….on another note, spraying fruit flies with cleaner….funny! I’ve had such trouble with those little pests this year….I’m not sure why! They seem to multiply faster than I can exterminate them. And, flying insect spray doesn’t even phase them! They’re terrible!

    Have fun on your vacation!

  3. i hate to pack.
    i look forward to vacation all year and then that week i get so cranky and stressed out because i know i have to pack everything for 7 people for a week and not forget anything.
    we alway pull back in the driveway 3 times at least to run back in for something….

    hope you have a great trip!

  4. JD in Canada

    I can Oh-So-Relate. Dh’s idea of packing is staying away until it’s past our departure time, coming out of his cave, bringing his jacket to the car, starting the car, and saying “Is everyone ready?” Hey, it’s kind of like that with meals, bedtime, homework, and everything else too!

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